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Friday, 5 January 2018

Is Romance Dead?


Hm, romance. A topic I know next to nothing about. At my age in 2018, that's not a big deal. A hundred years or so, it was the norm to be married at 20 and thinking about children.

When I was 15 I dated this guy for a month. I wouldn't call it a 'serious' relationship; we didn't have much in common, did nothing sexual, he was very immature and not intelligent and made fun of my YouTube videos and music. I also had this stupid crush on some other guy I barely knew. But he was kind; I have no malice towards the guy, and wish I'd 'explained' myself a bit more when I broke up with him rather than just using my GCSEs as an excuse. I'm sure he's with some great girl now who he can spoil. At that age with my emotional state I was too young to really handle a romantic relationship, despite longing for one.

Our first date was very sweet. He was going to take me out to this fancy restaurant, but there was a problem so we ended up going to his house. He had cooked rice and chicken (it was YUMMY, I think his dad helped), and then we watched a movie and made out on the sofa, and he walked me to the bus stop so I could head back home. I say this because it was my first proper date with a guy. We did cute teen stuff like going to the park after school, went to the movies once; etc, but I felt no real 'connection' to him. I think I liked him for about 3 weeks then realised we had fuck all in common. I often forget about this guy because it was years ago; we met at a party and I was drunk and grinded on him (hehe).

Since then, I haven't been on many 'dates.' When I was 16 I had a huge crush on a friend in sixth form, and I asked him to the movies and for food after. In my head it was a date, but I don't think that's how he saw it. My first significant relationship at 18 had a lot more emotional and physical depth to it, and I liked him A LOT, but he hardly took me out on dates. It was mostly going to his place and getting high and watching stuff, with a couple 'niceties' like dinner with his family for his birthday and going out for mine.

So yeah, 'dating' is something I'm pretty disheartened about, something I'm almost desensitized to. Beginning of 2017 I went on a date with a guy I met on OkCupid, and then I did have this amazing gentleman boyfriend for a few months who did take me out on dates and was all-round kind and loving. I even told him he was the first guy I'd ever felt really happy with. Him being four years older than me probably made a difference too.

And we met on Tinder. Yes, we were lucky. But how does one meet a guy the 'old fashioned' way? I met my other ex via a mutual friend, which is supposed to be an optimum way. No one is 'supposed' to find happiness on Tinder, right? Romance is dead, and our culture is all about hook-ups. I like hook-ups, don't get me wrong, but is that 'it'? Is hoping for a happy long-lasting relationship for my generation nothing more than a dream? How has this happened?
ZAC EFRON struggles with dating?!
Let's look back at the 'golden age', where old-fashioned dating was a thing. The man picked up the woman, took her out, paid for everything - all that stuff that scarcely happens now. The end goal was marriage, and they lived happily ever after. Or did they? The women were expected to be subservient and demure, 'owned' by their man. Couldn't vote; most of them barely had careers, and their lives were planned by their parents and then husband. Plus if a relationship was unhappy or unheard of, divorce was illegal - or highly frowned upon once it was legalized - so some would have been stuck in unhappy marriages. Not to mention most women weren't 'supposed' to put out till marriage, and meant to be these sexless dolls who were seen and not heard, making their men get blue balled till they put a ring on it.

YES I'm exaggerating. I don't think life was all rosy (nor all shit) back then, because life constantly has good and bad elements whatever time period you're in.  Now that gender roles have shifted, men don't need to be in charge 24/7 and women don't need to go 'yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir.' Some balance is good. It's great when the guy takes charge and decides what to do, but it doesn't mean the woman can't suggest what to do and agree to split. And I'm sure most guys would love their girls to spoil them once in a while. We can see our modern age as positive in a sense of taking some of the pressure off men to 'do everything.'
I find this hilarious XD
I don't know much about romance or relationships, but I'm pretty sure the number one thing is that both parties should feel happy and comfortable and be able to communicate. Screw both extremes - the extreme of the man doing everything, and the modern extreme of superficiality. Women can bitch and moan all they want about how there are 'no guys out there', but if they're expecting someone flawless, they need to take a look at themselves and make sure they can equally deliver. Cos if you're gonna be for equality, make sure it goes both ways, love. 

Do you think dating and romance is difficult in a fast paced modern culture run by technology and hook-ups? Has a shift in gender roles made things more challenging or better? Is it all down to what the person wants? Lemme know!

Read my funny poem 'Romance is dead': http://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2017/08/romance-is-dead-poem.html

See also: http://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2017/09/is-marriage-weird-idea.html

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