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Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Benefits of being single


I hate Valentine's Day. Of course I do; I've never had a Valentine. For some reason I've never managed to be in a relationship around Feb 14th. Lucky me eh. Still, this post isn't going to be a bitter complaint about how Valentine's Day is a reminder that for yet another year you have no one to cuddle up with in the movies. Here are some reasons as to why being single can be a positive thing.

Focusing on yourself. This is the most important I would say. When you're in a relationship, you tend to be thinking a lot about the other person, worrying about them and in some cases putting their needs ahead of yours. But when you're not romantically involved with another person, you get to focus entirely on the things you need. Career, friends, emotional wellbeing; all your time is dedicated to yourself. If you're a pretty self-centered person like me, this is fabulous, because I really can't deal with thinking about another person 24/7. (God, how am I going to cope when I have kids).

You can sleep with/flirt with whoever. Yeah, enjoying sensuous love-making with one partner is nicer than a quick fuck around the block with random dudes imo. But if you're the kind of person who can't be monogamous, or tends to cheat on your partners, this is a major plus. I believe that people who can't be faithful shouldn't be in relationships, unless they've agreed to have an open/polygamous relationship with their partner. If you're single you can flirt with, kiss or sleep with whoever and you're not hurting anyone.

No one can dump you. Ah, see if you're in a relationship there's always the chance that the other person is gonna walk away. But if you don't get into one in the first place, you can't get dumped at all!

Less drama. Relationships come with all kind of tension, conflict, emotional baggage and headaches. If you don't get into one, you don't have to engage in any of that. You can simply sit back and enjoy your life while your friend complains about how she and her boyfriend keep fighting over the silliest of things.

You avoid being with the wrong person. Being single is A LOT better than being in an unhappy relationship with someone who makes you miserable. Ok, not every human being on the planet is full of shit, but many are. People can change when they get into relationships; in some cases they start bringing out the worst in people. Manipulation, greed, control, jealousy, cheating, possessiveness - all of this shit can start to come out once you bring in romantic emotions. Eurgh #aintnobodygottimeforthat
If you're stuck in a toxic relationship but are afraid to leave because you don't want to be alone, believe me it ain't worth it. Romantic relationships have been idealized in our society for some time (thank you, Valentine's Day and rom-coms), but the wall's of Jericho are not going to come crumbling down if you choose your own happiness over being with the wrong cunt.

Save money. Going out costs money, and sadly romantic relationships involve a lot of that. (Ok, it's not sad, it's actually pretty lovely). If you're in a relationship you have to spend money doing stuff with your partner - well you don't have to, you want to, but if you're just sitting at home watching Netflix and masturbating, life becomes a lot cheaper.

Not dependent on just one person. I think it's very dangerous to spend all your time with just one person, whether it's a close friend, a parent, or a romantic partner. If you emotionally depend on them for anything, this can lead to co-dependence, a chance for manipulation or exploitation, resentment (familiarity breeds contempt), and means that you're not getting a diverse range of people. It's healthy to be around different people in order to keep your environment fresh. If you're around the same person all the time things become intense and you start getting irritated at each other for the smallest of things. Ok, maybe this only happens to me, but I can't spend too much time with the same person else I start wanting to kill them. One of the reasons my brother probably pisses me off less than he used to is because we no longer live under the same roof. You need space from people even if you are very close or romantically involved with someone. (Not saying everyone in relationships spends every waking moment with their partner, but some probably do).

So yeah, those are just some reasons I thought of (and may have had a skim through some online articles). Ultimately though, whether you're single or in a relationship, it's your happiness that has to come first, otherwise you won't enjoy anything either way. Not all people in relationships are happy and not all people who are single are sad and lonely. In my experience (which isn't vast), in both instances I'm pretty much the same emotionally.




Related post:

 http://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2017/06/thoughts-on-days.html

Also see this funny video I made years ago called 'Dumped on Valentine's Day' (has never happened to me, just thought it would be fun to make).

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