Search this blog

Sunday, 15 January 2017

Alcoholism Explained

I’m an alcoholic. I’m currently three months sober and have a video below of myself explaining my alcoholism. Here I’m going to explain the premises of alcoholism and touch on how AA has helped me. (Note: this is not an 'advert' for AA or an attempt to convert people. It is based on my subjective personal experiences).

First off, alcoholism is a disease. I first started to suspect I was an alkie around the age of fourteen, and I drank heavily (as in practically daily) for over a year, when I was eighteen-nineteen. You don’t have to drink heavily for decades to be classed as an alcoholic. I believe it is an illness that you’re born with. Like psychopathy or autism, alcoholism is a hard-wired physiological condition. The alcoholic is affected differently by alcohol (and other drugs) then a non-alkie. We take that first drink, or first spliff or first crisp, and it sets off that craving. It’s a disease of more, a disease of fear; a disease of denial. It’s an internal illness. The illness is not in the bottle;  the illness is inside the alkie.

It’s not about how much you drink. There are people I know who aren’t alcoholics who can handle way more alcohol than I can. I used to resent nearly everyone I drank with for calling me ‘lightweight.’  I asked my sponsor why it pissed me off so much, and she said it’s cos of the obsession. I don’t get so pissed off if someone were to laugh at how weak I am cos I can’t open a jar, I’d just shrug and say yeah I’m weak. I’m a tiny little thing; I don’t have much upper body strength. Yet I’ve always wanted to prove that I can drink as much as people who can handle twice as much booze as me (and it’s failed). Mostly I drank alone.

An alcoholic, whether they’re a ‘heavyweight’ or ‘lightweight’ drinker, will take that first drink and crave more. They’ll drink to blackout, to vomiting, to get out of their head. Or they’ll just drink everyday constantly. Non-alkies can be heavy drinkers, but it must be stressed that a heavy drinker is not an alcoholic. A non-alkie can sip – I must emphasise sip – a beer over the course of an hour or two and not get drunk. And go home and go to bed and not drink again for a week.

It can affect anyone. I’m nineteen. People can come into recovery when they're teenagers. The disease is internal, and has fuck all to do with age. It doesn’t matter if you had some happy middle class utopian childhood with parents who took you out for piano lessons, or a shit childhood where your dad was an abusive drug addict and your mum was a prostitute. Alcoholism is not a picky illness. Rich or poor, male or female, any country, any age, alcoholism will get you. Neither of my parents are alkies and neither are heavy drinkers. There’s no one I’m immediately close to in my family who is an alkie. Just me.

It’s not a weakness. I’m a determinist anyway and I don’t believe in free will, but many people think that alcoholics ‘have no self-control’ or ‘willpower’ to stop drinking. That’s bullshit. It’s an illness.
Following the 12 step program, getting a sponsor, and keeping things in the day has helped me with my sobriety and hopefully will continue to do so. Finding a power 'greater than myself' (and that power doesn't necessarily mean God; I'm an atheist) has also been helpful. I think of mine as the power of other people in the fellowship, and trees and stars and earth because that stuff was all here before me and I know it’s real.

Hopefully this post has cleared up some myths about alcoholism. I think it’s important people become aware of it because so many people aren’t aware. I did a module on Substance Abuse in A level Psychology so knew what withdrawal, tolerance, AA and the like was, but there was no real explanation as to what alcoholism is. It can be defined as a mental obsession, physical compulsion and spiritual bankruptcy. Alcoholism is a terminal illness that will kill you if left untreated. Let’s toast our glasses of lemonade to sober living!


  1. No one is born an alcoholic omg! Even if you have a predisposition to have addictive/obsessive tendencies genetically or by your environment you still have to partake in the activity to be considered as such, no? Here is the google definition of alcoholic “addiction to the consumption of alcoholic drink; alcohol dependency”. Alcoholism is a weakness as it holds you back affecting social life and relationships with people, however you are not necessarily weak yourself, everyone has flaws. You contradict your own argument when you say it can affect anyone which I agree with and not that people are born with it, it is mostly learned behavior and almost entirely mental health related. Could you also elaborate on spiritual bankruptcy, is Jesus at the end of the bottle cos I can't find him anywhere XD. Enjoyed reading though and good luck on your journey, stay sober! xxx

    1. I don't think it's very helpful to class any mental illness as a 'weakness' as it's not really your fault. Someone with depression isn't weak, they just have an illness and need to learn how to cope with it, which in turn will make them stronger. Nature vs Nurture is a big debate; I personally believe there's a bit of both, so I believe I was born with an addictive personality, and say if I lived in a dry country such as Saudia Arabia, I may have become addicted to opium (for example) instead as alcohol would not be accessible. I did meet a person that had never had a drop of alcohol in their life, however they had an alcoholic parent and could feel that obsession around alcohol even before drinking themselves. I use that as an example of alcoholism being internal.

      Spiritual Bankrupcty to me is nothing to do with 'Jesus' (I'm an atheist), it just means being devoid of any inner peace or contentment with oneself. I do have depression as well and for years have often felt this very empty, blank feeling inside, and since coming into recovery it's started to lift from time to time as I've become more accepting of myself and been working towards that feeling of inner peace.

      I'm glad you enjoyed reading and thank you xx


If you enjoy my posts check out my novel Every Last Psycho. Available to purchase on Amazon: