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Tuesday, 18 July 2017

Overthinking: My Biggest Problem


Overthinking will be the death of us all. Thinking is healthy and positive, but to overthink? To create problems that aren’t there and scenarios that haven’t happened?

If I ignore my logic and listen to the drama queen part of my brain, in my head my boyfriend is planning to break up with me; my friend has tried to commit suicide, I’m the most hated person on Facebook, at thirty five I’ll be stuck in a flat with crack and heroin, no one likes my music...etc. If I allow my brain to think its way into drama, before I know it I’ve created a disaster.

My brother has found this hilarious. I remember calling him some months ago; he was lying in bed and didn’t want to talk but like I gave a crap; he had to listen to my non-existent problems! While I moaned he laughed like crazy. I wanted reassurance. I needed an outsider to tell me that it was all in my head. Sometimes, when our heads are spiralling out of control, we need someone to tell us that everything’s alright. One of my cousins put it like this: ‘Calm yo tits; nobody has died, the world is still turning, I am still amazing, Trump is still president, the moon is still the moon’ when I complained to him about the ‘problems’ I’d created in my head.

My AA sponsor has told me many times that alcoholics love drama. I’m one of the most dramatic people I know. I make a simple situation five times bigger than it is in my head, either goodly or badly. It’s either SUPER TREMENDOUSLY AMAZING (Baby Driver, red velvet cake, BeyoncĂ©) or FUCKING AWFUL (not enjoying reading, spiders, preferring ready salted crisps to sweet chilli).

I don’t always entertain it. My dramatic emotional thinking has gotten me into many cringey and upsetting situations. It’s a scary thing; you don’t realise its happening until you’ve walked your way into a situation. Then you realise when it’s too late that perhaps you overreacted. Emily wasn’t mad; she was just busy and forgot to answer her phone! Blake is cool that you didn’t show up to his party. You don’t love Trevor; it’s an unreciprocated infatuation-filled crush.

After a while it all makes sense. But it is horrible to overthink. Your brain is running at double quick speed, so fast it’s tripping up on itself. Best thing to do is take a step back and go; cool it man. You’re wayyyy ahead of yourself here. Let’s call someone and ask their opinion before acting on a problem that wasn’t there in the first place.

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