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Sunday, 13 August 2017

Slut-shaming is stupid

We live in a culture where sex is still seen as this massive deal, especially where women are concerned. I consider myself a liberal person; I believe as long as you’re not hurting anyone it’s nobody’s business. Relatively speaking. If someone were to call me a slut I wouldn't care (I've had worse shit said to me). However, I try not to use the words slut; whore, hoe, slag or sket to describe people (unless I'm joking around with mates or myself). Although I am not a feminist, I do think it’s sexist and sex-negative and is used by people who are threatened by a woman who is in control of her sexual agency. It can also be used to bully young girls, such as cases where a girl performs a sexual act with one guy and then that video is spread around and gives the poor kid a bad reputation. (But no one says shit to the guy).

I know males and females who are promiscuous, non-promiscuous, have had many one-night stands, haven’t had sex yet, prefer to do it with a partner...etc. So I disagree with the notion that men are ‘more’ promiscuous and women are ‘more’ reserved, and look at it based on individuals. If a person, male or female, enjoys sex and has sex with multiple partners, how is that any different from them having a lot of sex with one person? They’re still having a lot of sex; they’re just not in a relationship. Not everyone wants to be in a relationship or get married. Not everyone likes relationships. Our society places so much emphasis on needing a relationship to be happy, but I don't think you need to be romantically involved with someone to be happy and it's actually dangerous to pin happiness all on one person. I can say this because I'm very co-dependent and get very attached to people. Not in an over-the-top way, but enough to be aware when I'm doing it. Furthermore, you can be just as happy by having lots of close friends as opposed to a romantic partner.

And when you’re with that person who you really love or you’re with the person you’re going to marry, what does it matter how many sexual partners they’ve had before? As long as they’re clean of STDs who cares? They’re with you. The past doesn’t matter. They could have been with three people or thirty people, it doesn’t matter. They’re with YOU now and they’re going to commit to YOU and stay with YOU because they want YOU. I don’t believe in this idea of equating sex with a person’s value. If you choose to remain chaste then cool, but it doesn’t make you a better person and doesn’t give you the right to be all high-and-mighty about it. Believe me, I used to think I was better for waiting till I was in a relationship and that relationship turned out to be unhealthy.

On the other side, I am aware virgin-shaming is a thing, which I find even more ridiculous than slut shaming. How is being a virgin funny? Who cares? Ok, I’m going to be really hypocritical here. Yes, I do find a guy more attractive if he’s had sex with a few people because it implies he knows what he’s doing. BUT, when you like someone you like them for them and you don’t care about their sexual history because you want them. Heck, I’ve liked less-experienced guys. You like a person for who they are and how they make you feel (I should hope). How many people they’ve banged shouldn’t be anything more than general curiosity, but is not something to judge someone by. A person could be a heroin addict, a murderer, emotionally manipulative, high-maintenance, negative, and not have had many or any sexual partners.

Honestly, I think we're all too preoccupied with each other’s genitalia. It’s not our fault; Britain up until recent decades was a very sexually repressed society, especially for women. Women were either madonnas or whores. (Funnily enough, it's mostly women that slut-shame other women; probably because they're jealous of how sexually free they can be). REAL women are a mix of both. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets...ahem. Sex is a personal choice. Having a lot of sex does not make you any less of a woman, and waiting till you’re with someone you love does not make you any less of a man. A person’s measure of value is based on how they treat others, not by how much or little sex they have. 
Well said Ms Green :)

Also see: Virginity and Pre-Marital sex 

4 comments:

  1. The absolute numbers might not not be important. But the difference is.

    If person A had lots of sex with many partners and person B only little sex with few partners than I don't think it work out in most cases.

    _„They’re with YOU now and they’re going to commit to YOU and stay with YOU because they want YOU.“_ — Do they? And will they stay committed. Or will they start cheating on you because lack experience and skill?

    That is the question to be asked if there is a large difference in experience. If both are on the same level then the question does not apply.

    _„Yes, I do find a guy more attractive if he’s had sex with a few people because it implies he knows what he’s doing.“_ — Spot on. You want someone with a similar experience level.

    _„Heck, I’ve liked less-experienced guys.“_ — «liked» — past tense. You are not with them any more. Why?

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    Replies
    1. Are you sure? Having sex with fewer partners doesn't necessarily equate to less 'skill' or 'experience.' You could be having good sex with one person and bad sex with ten people. Just because someone is promiscuous doesn't necessarily mean they'll start cheating when they're in a relationship. Maybe when they're single they just have fun, but when they're in a relationship they take it seriously.

      When I said I've liked less experienced guys I meant it as passing crushes, and meant it to say that when you like someone you like the person and don't care so much about their sexual history other than general curiosity.

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  2. As long as women are money-shaming and job-shaming and height-shaming and social status-shaming men and all of the other "double standards", they're also going to slut-shame other women.

    Telling people not to slut-shame is like telling people to never mention when a guy can't keep a job or isn't good at playing a sport etc.

    Quite frankly, I think it's really sad how much women care too much about what other people think to the point of trying to police language.

    When was the last time you ever heard of men asking people to stop saying any little thing that they didn't like?

    It's just ironic to me how much women love to gossip, read a ton of tabloid celebrity "news" and root through other people's belongings yet then demand that no one ever judge them and "mind their own business".

    It's also ironic to me how much women want to judge men for every little thing they do yet want special treatment and not to be judged for their own actions. Very sexist and hypocritical.

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  3. I'm not saying you are sexist or hypocritical but I think the argument of slut-shaming itself is often sexist and/or hypocritical.

    I've explained it to you in other posts but it goes to gender differences. You'll have to ask *women* why they prefer men who are sexually experienced etc.

    "My main point is that people should just do what they want as long as they take precautions and don't harm others."

    I agree but this has nothing to do with slut-shaming.

    The "woman making more money then a man" is not generational, it's evolution. Men have always been the providers and they feel a sense of "reward" and "usefulness" by being able to do that. When the woman is the provider instead, it often leads to suicide or drug problems etc. because they feel emasculated, like they're not good enough to provide. It's sort of like when a woman is less attractive than her man, she tends to feel worse about it than he would if she were the more attractive partner. It just goes back to evolution. We started off less dimorphic and became more that way over thousands of years through evolution so it's very ingrained in our DNA.

    ReplyDelete

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