Search this blog

Monday, 4 September 2017

EVIL STRAIGHT WHITE MEN!


These white men are dangerous. Since the beginning of time, straight white men have used their privilege to oppress gays, women, blacks, Jews, Asians and everyone else. Pft, never mind the fact that early man was darkskinned and homo sapiens spread out of Africa 70,000 years ago, 1.93 million years after sapiens evolved in Africa!! White people didn’t even exist back then but somehow THEY WERE STILL THE OPPRESSORS!

Ah, but see! White men began slavery! Never mind the fact that only 6% of Southern white folk owned slaves! And the fact that white people also helped to abolish slavery! And the fact that humans have always owned slaves for, I dunno, LABOUR! And, haha, get this; white people themselves were brought to American colonies as slaves during the 1600s, outnumbering black slaves!! But white people are still privileged, am I right?


And man, that patriarchy. Tut tut. White men always been trying lay it on their white women, mansplaining and whitesplaining and dicksplaining till the cows come home. Sure, they did some awful things like Mr Henry the 8th chopping the heads off his wives. His lovely daughter, Bloody Mary, also followed in daddie's footsteps, but she can be excused because she’s a female. White men don’t know HOW privileged they’ve been; so privileged that they’ve been expected to go out and work long hours, toil away, be 20 times more likely to die at work than women, and do all of the heavy lifting! Get this; they’re so privileged that there’s no WAY they would expect a woman to carry heavy objects or be able to open doors for themselves, and will walk their girlfriend home in the rain and give her his jacket so she doesn’t get cold! HAHA! Men protecting women and sacrificing their safety for women by going out to war! Now THAT’S privilege! Meanwhile, these poor women have to sit by the fire in the comfort of their homes playing with their cute little children and reading them bedtime stories! MUM, DAD’S BEEN OPPRESSING YOU BY MAKING YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE!


This is why we need more women like the lovely Munroe Bergdorf, putting those nasty white folk in their place! Darn right she was to call out the racism of all white people! White people like Angelina Jolie, Bernie Sanders, Abraham Lincoln, John F Kennedy, Stephen King, JK Rowling, Richard Dawkins, Jeremy Corbyn, Emma Watson, Kim Kardashian and Robert De Niro! Yeah, these racist fuckers clearly all hate people of colour so much that they dare even MARRY THEM, STAND UP FOR THEIR RIGHTS, WRITE BLACK CHARACTERS INTO THEIR STORIES AND TREAT NON-WHITE PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE! Yeah man, such racist pricks!

It used to be black men that were considered evil. Beware the evil black man who will hunt you down and kill you. Evil black men like Rodney King, Stephen Lawrence and Emmett Till. 
Note: in this video I was 16 and didn't realise 
that 'black people being stopped and searched'
is to do with socio-economics as opposed to
'institutionalized racism.' 

But now the power has shifted. Still men, of course, but now we’ve realised it was white men that were evil all along! Like Michael Moore said; Kill Whitey. Beware the white man that smiles at you. Beware the white man that holds the door open for you. Beware the white man as he smiles at you and bends down to kiss your lips and – HOLY SHIT, I’VE HAD SEX WITH STRAIGHT WHITE MEN! I’M FRIENDS WITH STRAIGHT WHITE MEN! I’M RELATED TO STRAIGHT WHITE MEN! FUCK! THE HORROR! I’VE BEEN TAINTED!
ARRRRRRGHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOO!

Well, it’s clearly too late for me. If you’re a single straight white man (or straight black man) aged 20-30, please leave a comment below with your number. Thank you. 

2 comments:

If you enjoy my posts check out my novel Every Last Psycho. Available to purchase on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07F44CMNJ