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Monday, 18 September 2017

The 'Friend Zone'

Online there are a bunch of articles written by feminists claiming that the ‘friend zone’ is sexist. When a person, usually a man, likes a woman who only wants to be her friend, he is assumed to be in the ‘friend zone.’ Feminists claim this is sexist because it’s like saying women owe men sex just because they’re nice to them. They say men who complain about women 'friend zoning' them are being passive-aggressive and sexist as if they view women as commodities to be used.

But what if it’s the other way around?

I’ve been in situations – yes, more than once – where I’ve fancied a male friend and he hasn’t fancied me back. It’s pretty depressing, and coupled with my low self-esteem I start thinking I’m ugly and weird and undesirable and no man will ever want me. I try to brush it off in my head by thinking ‘well, he’s probably gay.’ Is that also sexism? It’s like when a woman rejects a guy and he goes ‘you’re ugly anyway’, feminists want to claim this is ‘sexist.’

Is it sexist? Or is that just a defence mechanism to make me feel better? Why does everything have to be ‘sexist’ all the time? It’s a real headache. If a guy doesn’t want to be with me and in my head I think ‘well he’s a fag’, sure that’s not a nice thing to think and deep down I know it’s probably not true. But I wouldn't say this is 'sexism'; more so egotism. 

When a person gets rejected, they want to protect their ego, because our ego is precious to all of us. When someone doesn’t like you, it’s usually not even because of ‘you’ (unless you are just creepy or nasty), it’s just because they’re not feeling the chemistry. It’s impossible for us all to want every single person who wants us; there are too many people in the world. We've probably all liked people who don't like us back and vice versa. I take things very personally (something I’m trying to move away from, as well as the low self esteem). When guys haven’t liked me, I’ve asked why and there usually isn’t a reason. They’ve never said ‘you’re a bitch’ or ‘you’re ugly’ or ‘you’re a weirdo.’

So yeah, rejection is all about a bruised ego, and naturally when your ego is bruised you’re quick to defend it. Chances are, we're all going to get friend-zoned, dumped or rejected at some point in our lives. I don’t like the term ‘friend zone’ (but not because of ‘sexism’) just like I don’t like the term ‘slut’ or the polarised ‘madonna-whore complex.’ These things to me are too rigid and one-dimensional. If a girl just likes a guy as a friend or vice versa why does there need to be a label on it? Why does it de-value ones platonic feelings for the other? Sure, it hurts; when it's happening it feels like the worst thing ever, but you DO get over it. Move on and just be friends, simple; plenty of fish in the sea. Also, it assumes that men and women can’t just be friends, which is bullshit.


  1. i never saw the big deal about being "friend zoned" if an awesome girl/guy only likes you as a friend they're still in your life and i've had it happen to me before and honestly i'm ok with it (though i don't always experience emotions the way others probaly do) and people can't always help their feelings and if they're not into you they're not. no i don't think it's sexist

    1. That's a very mature way of seeing it. For me it's been like 'the end of the world, no one will ever like me' in my head but agreed you have to take it for what it is.


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