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Saturday, 7 October 2017

Casual Sex vs Relationship Sex

Contains (mildly) sexually explicit content. The content below is not intended to be pornographic, sexually suggestive or arousing. Is for informative purposes only.

Sex is not an inherently 'special' thing, we've just been socialized to think that. It's an activity we do because chemicals in our brains cause us to become aroused and pass on our genes. I don't believe that anything in life is special; I believe that things become special because we feel that way about them. Things that are special to me - music, my brother, Rick and Morty - aren't necessarily special to others.

I don’t know how many guys I’ve kissed in my life (20-30), but I know only two – mainly one – I’ve adored kissing. That’s because at the time I was with these guys (and they were boyfriends) I had strong feelings for them which made kissing them better. Same goes for sex – certainly haven’t screwed anywhere near that many people, but I believe that it feels better when it’s with someone you have strong feelings for and are in a healthy relationship with. It becomes special because that person is special to you. When you sleep with someone you have strong feelings for, it becomes special because to you that person is special and means a lot to you. 

This is why one of the reasons some choose to wait till marriage or postpone sex when in a relationship is that they really want their emotional feelings for the other person to develop before becoming physically intimate with them. (I have no issue with people choosing to wait till marriage, as long as they don't try to push their opinions on others and say you're 'unclean' or whatever nonsense if you don't.) There’s no right/wrong time to fuck someone you’re dating; it entirely depends on you, the other person and the situation. If that person is special to you, you will want to get to know them first, and build relations with them on an emotional level first. But if they're not special, if they're just someone you want to have sex with, you'll have no interest in building emotional relations first.

Casual sex can feel 'rushed' for some and flippant due to the lack of emotional attachment. (Men and women typically enjoy sex with a partner more than with a one-off person). Women orgasm less from casual sex than relationship sex due to our bodies needing more 'time' than men's to reach arousal. Women are also said to not reach their sexual peak until thirty; younger women struggle more with achieving orgasm and are more likely to ‘fake it’ than guys (even though guys do it too). In porn, sex can be portrayed unrealistically, with the woman having a loud orgasm at the same time as the man. (I’m a loud person, but even I don’t scream that much). Women are more likely to orgasm from clitoral stimulation than penetration. (This is also why lesbians have more orgasms than heterosexual couples; a girl knows what a girl needs).

Unfortunately, because of how shit sex education is, we’re hardly taught about what our bodies need. It’s easy to feel like a ‘failure’ if you don’t get off or don’t get the other person off; men can struggle to 'work' if under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Because sex has traditionally been all about ‘women pleasing men’ and historically cunnilingus was hardly talked about, it’s no wonder there are poor ladies out there struggling to feel pleased in the bedroom. On a ONS both parties are just looking for a 'release', so it can often be less physically pleasing, more so for the woman. (Though funnily enough this hasn't been my experience in one night stands I've had – ironically the only guy who’s been super selfish and distant to me in the bedroom so far was my first boyfriend and sexual partner. Shows how this myth of the 'first time being so important' comes into play.)

Some people just aren’t into relationships and find casual things easier as they get the pleasure without the ‘commitment’ or emotions. Others are the opposite; they need the emotional connection in order to enjoy the sex. One could say that men are better with casual sex and women are better with relationships, but thinking about everybody I know of all ages and both genders, and thinking about the complexity of humans, I don't think that's entirely true. I think men are too often viewed as sex-crazed arseholes that use girls for sex and throw them away. In reality it's more about the individual; not all men are emotionless rocks, and not all women are hyper-emotional and desperate for a relationship. The times are changing, and 'gender roles' are becoming less fixed and more fluid.

What do you think anyway? Do you prefer hook-ups or sex with a partner? Do you look down on those that enjoy hook-ups? Do you think the concept of 'no sex till marriage' is stupid and pointless?
(this is probably due to women becoming more confident in their sexuality with age)


  1. eh i'm not an expert in sex so i wouldn't know if relationship sex is better or not, honestly if people want to do casual sex it's their choice

    1. I'm no expert either lol, just have a lot of opinions XD but yeah as long as everyone's happy to consent people can do as they please.


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