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Sunday, 19 November 2017

Habitual vs ‘One Time’ Cheating


I have a longer more ethics-driven post called ‘Is Cheating always wrong’ which you can also have a look at. This post is going to focus on those that cheat once or twice in their life times as a drunken or random slip-up, versus those who habitually cheat.

There’s this YouTuber I love called Jaclyn Glenn who I have referred to in a few posts including my one on my favourite youtubers. I’ve been watching her videos since 2013, when I first discovered her ‘Evolution vs God’ video on Twitter. She’s recently been in a situation where she discovered her boyfriend, a YouTuber named Social Repose, was serially cheating on her with different girls throughout their entire relationship.

Obviously I don’t know her personally – she’s a hotshot from California and I’m a nobody from London – and it's not my place to comment on the ins and outs of what happened (let’s save that for Onision, eurgh). These are my general thoughts on these two different cheating scenarios.

Now I’ve never been cheated on or vice versa, and don’t have a great deal of experience with relationships – haven’t been in one that’s lasted more than a few months. I don’t know how it feels, although I can imagine the hurt and betrayal. How I would react to it would depend on the context. I think Jaclyn’s reaction was extremely appropriate – she made a video crying about it and she has every right to be upset because what he did was horrible.

I do believe that ‘slip-ups’ can be forgiven. I don’t think a situation where things have been tense between a couple for a while and then the one person cheats on the other is the worst thing in the world. Cheating is one of the things that mainly causes couples to break up, or creates jealously and tension. When divorce was first made legal in Britain, it was only on the grounds that one spouse had cheated on the other. Religions are very strict about cheating, and this is a Christian country historically (though no one really cares anymore). It’s no surprise that due to infidelity being viewed as this deeply unholy sacrament in the Ten Commandments, it would be the first go-to for couples being excused for breaking their marital pledge.

I don’t think cheating once on your partner makes you an evil person. I don’t think cheating in general makes you ‘evil’; we all do bad things but they don’t necessarily mean we’re bad people. But the act of cheating in certain contexts can say a lot about a person’s ‘moral compass’, if you like.

For example, a husband that has one affair with his wife and is filled with deep regret and never does it again is clearly not a bad guy. (Although I do believe morality, aka 'good vs bad', is subjective). Empathy for those around us is what differentiates a person’s moral compass from another’s, or at least in this scenario. When you cheat, you are aware you are going to hurt the person you are with. If you are not, or don’t care, it shows a lack of empathy for your partner, a sign of emotional immaturity, and perhaps a sense that you don’t really care about them or the relationship.

This ties in more with habitual cheating. People that cheat repetitively on their partners clearly don’t have much respect for their partners or possibly even love them. There is a sense that they have an unhealthy attitude to relationships; perhaps they grew up in a negative environment or never had healthy relationships with friends or parents. Maybe they feel like they don’t deserve their partner or that their partner is ‘too good’ for them so they will act like an idiot anyway. There is of course the possibility that they have a sex addiction, which as an addict I can sympathise with, though saying ‘I have a sex problem’ to manipulate your partner into forgiving you when you actually don’t is immature and disrespectful.

A simple solution to those that are habitual cheaters and have hurt many along the way is to not get into a monogamous relationship in the first place. Our society sells monogamy as this ‘absolute’ that we should all aim for (no doubt due to the Christian influence on this country). But not everyone is suited to monogamy. I think polygamous marriage should be legal. If a person would prefer to have two or three spouses because they don’t feel one will sexually satisfy them, why shouldn’t they be allowed to? (Provided everyone involved is happy with the arrangement).

If someone doesn’t feel suited to monogamy, why should they feel ‘pressured’ into it because of what our society feels? Why can’t more polyamorous and open relationships be accepted? Why not be allowed to marry multiple people? You don’t have only one friend, you have many friends. Why have only one partner?

Just putting the thought out there; not saying I personally want to be polyamorous. I just think that serial or habitual cheaters who end up hurting others along the way would be a lot happier by adhering to polygamy. 

3 comments:

  1. i love jaclyn too and it was heartbreaking to see her in that much pain and my personal view on cheating is the same as yours

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    1. I know :/ richie's an idiot, he shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place if he knows he can't be faithful. She's way too good for him; I hope she finds someone that treats her well.

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