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Saturday, 18 November 2017

Tell me about it, stud

When women are promiscuous, they’re labelled sluts. When men are, they’re labelled studs. I don’t think having a lot of sex, whether you’re male or female, is a ‘immoral’ or makes you ‘dirty’. My generation has moved away from that very conservative way of thinking, and hopefully will continue to.
Just as I don’t think a woman enjoying casual sex is a bad thing, I hold men to the same standards. If a guy enjoys having a lot of sex, good for him. It’s his business, not mine. Sure, some guys look down on these men, they get labelled ‘man-whores’ or ‘players’; the latter being used pejoratively. If a guy is a player, he’s a player. Some people aren’t into monogamy, they like having casual sex and being flirty. It doesn’t make them bad people; not everyone has to be monogamous.

What I do think is bad is if a man (or woman) is in a serious relationship yet flirts with and has affairs and dates multiple women. Cases of famous men having lots of affairs (Ashley Cole, Bill Clinton, Jimi Hendrix, Diego Rivera, John F Kennedy) involve these men not ‘changing’ their antics once they get married. This is where some women get put off. In an ideal world, you would play around when single (if chosen to), yet once the heart was caught, stay faithful to the one you were with. But not everyone does this.

The problem with cheating is that it hurts the person you’re with. People cheat for all kinds of reasons (see my post: is cheating always wrong). A made-up theory of mine is that ‘players’ or ‘sluts’ cheat because they’re not made to be monogamous. If you’re someone that doesn’t think you can be faithful to one person, you shouldn’t really be in a relationship unless you and your partner have agreed to an open relationship.

My dad has never failed to tell me about how he was such a player in his youth, and always has been. My dad being a player doesn’t bother me; it’s none of my business what my dad does. What does bother me is the fact he’s told me. I love my dad dearly and vice versa, but we've never had a straightforward father-daughter relationship, probably because neither of us are straightforward people. 

I guess it’s natural for us to assume that if someone is promiscuous or flirtatious when single, they won’t be faithful in a relationship. I don’t know if that’s true or not, I’m not a sociologist. It’s much easier for a guy to have a lot of women ‘on the side’ because men have higher sex drives than women, society has traditionally been patriarchal (not saying it’s still like that) in a lot of the world and favoured male sexuality and dominance over women, and women have been expected to just ‘put up’ with men being like that.

Even myself; I feel turned off by ‘player’ type men. Doesn’t mean I assume they’re pricks or nasty people, although repeatedly cheating on your woman shows a lack of empathy. I guess it’s a natural assumption that if I see a guy being very flirty and talking to a lot of women, he’s probably not going to emotionally commit to me so why waste my time? He might be good for a fling, but that’s it. 
Chances are he probably isn’t looking for emotional commitment. Women really trip themselves up by moaning because a guy never called back. Maybe guys should just have signs above their head saying ‘I just want sex’ or ‘I want a girlfriend.’

Who knows. There’s nothing to say that a guy who ‘messed around’ a lot in say his 20s and 30s eventually settles down with a wife and kids later on. I mean this is all subjective, I’m really not an expert on people; I just think a lot and have opinions. (Like Tyrion Lannister: I drink and I know things, only I no longer drink and know less than I pretend to). I do believe that the reason some turn away in disgrace at promiscuous men or women is because they’re either the total opposite and feel they hold the ‘moral ground’, or secretly are like that yet don’t admit it. It’s like those theories about homophobic people often being in the closet.

I don’t know why men get ‘stud points’ for fucking a lot; I’m guessing it’s because sex is one of the primal ways a man can express his masculinity, and because of evolutionary seed spreading and other stuff I can’t be bothered to elaborate. Some people think ‘studs’ are terrible; I think feminists are very anti ‘lad culture’ and agreeably groping women constantly who aren’t into it is rude, but honestly there are worse things a man can be than a player. Like a rapist, for instance. #allmenarerapists #menarepigs #killallmen #smokeweedeveryday


  1. i think, that men sweet talks a lady into the saddle, a conquest sort of, a goal, a homerun. and as such to be considered a stud. and some men are jealous of this, as is for women towards other women, calling them sluts if they are too easy. guess it's human nature, the name of the game. cheers

    1. No worries; perhaps someday humans will stop caring about 'the name of the game' and just go with what makes them happy.

  2. it is an agreement between two persons (or more :) to go to bed of course...

  3. honestly i find the double standard silly, people fucking a lot is people fucking a lot regardless of genders, and if a person wants to keep sleeping around they shouldn't be in serious relationships

    1. I agree, and today's post (which I'm about to post) is about just that!


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