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Thursday, 28 December 2017

2017: Don't Look Back in Anger


My brother is a fan of the Oasis song ‘Don’t look back in anger.’ It is a pretty good song; the intro sounds like ‘Imagine’ by Lennon. This post is named so as a yearly reflection due to my tendency to look back at things negatively. I tend to look at extremes; it’s either brilliant or terrible. This year has not been wholly terrible, and I am reminding myself to not look back at things with a red mist dancing in front of my eyes.

Positives first. This blog is clearly a massive positive; I’m very happy and proud of it. I am grateful and thankful to everyone who follows, who reads my posts and has commented, and who enjoys reading them – and those who disagree and have challenged my viewpoints, as where’s the fun (or reality) in us all seeing everything the same? On the actual blog, Facebook posts and Google Plus I’ve had a lot of discussion sparked and I’m glad. That’s what it’s all about.
Aw; Trump thumbs-upped my blog!
This blog has been a brilliant platform in terms of me communicating my opinions and also posting poems and stories. One of my long-term goals has always been to be an author, and I hope that having a blog and building up my online presence will lead me into the world of freelance writing and publishing.

In terms of my musical goals, being at a top UK music school has definitely made me feel more comfortable and progressive in my artistry as a musician. I’m writing better songs, I’m analysing them, and I’ve been working with others and appreciating other styles of music. And I started a music blog recently, which is great in order to promote other musicians and write about music-related topics. If you want to check it out the link is here: http://www.zaridoesmusic.co.uk/

I’ve said several times that this is not meant to be a ‘personal’ blog, nor is it a ‘factual’ academic/news-report style blog. It’s an informative/opinion blog, and I try to steer clear of getting too personal about things unless I believe they’ll have some relevance within a wider topic. I feel I have overstepped boundaries a few times when writing about others or bringing too much self-indulgence into my posts, which is something I will try and avoid in 2018.

But at the same time, sometimes writing about personal things can help others. For example, I’ve written a lot about my mental illness in order to break up some of the stigma surrounding the mentally ill and in hope that others will feel better about opening up. I've suffered with severe panic disorder this year, but I am getting more in control of my panic attacks by using breathing into my brown paper bag and counting my breath as well as telling someone comforting. 

With additional relation to my personal life, being in recovery this year has changed my life and hopefully will continue to change it. Steering clear of alcohol and self-harming and learning to become more at peace with myself and the world has been a massive thing this year. I met a great guy this year, and even though we were together for a short time it was the best relationship I’ve had. (And one of the few happy and healthy relationships I've ever had with another person in my life, be it romantic, friendly or family-related).

It hasn't been all rosy though. This year, three major figures from my childhood have broken relations with me. One of them is a relative so hopefully things with us will blow over, but with the other two I’m highly doubtful. One was particularly traumatic as he and I were best friends for years, but I’ve come out of it feeling better. Moving away from people like them who evoke negative traits I see in myself; drama, egotism, instability, is something I wish to bring into the new year. Company makes a person, and finding companionship in those that make you feel content, comfortable and can have a good impact on you is great. I am additionally grateful to the friendships I have made or strengthened this year.

My goals for next year are to continue blogging, to find work in the fields of the arts, and several other career-related things that I’d rather not delve too much into. I hope I can continue to stay sober, and work my 12 step program. Peace and serenity to everyone and may 2018 bring you much joy xxx 

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If you enjoy my posts check out my debut YA novel. Out now on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07F44CMNJ