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Thursday, 22 February 2018

Zari's Top 15 Sexiest Male Celebs

This is a continuation of my superficiality to rate famous people on their physical attractiveness (in no particular order). Straight women and gay/bisexual men; enjoy.

Lucien Laviscount. Had a crush on him for years from when I watched Waterloo Road as a teen. I watched a season of Celebrity Big Brother just because he was in it, and got jealous because he had a 'thing' with Kerry Katona and Amy Child. Sad, I know.

Taylor Lautner. And every young girl watching The Twilight Saga CHEERS as Jacob Black rips off his shirt! Too bad the poor dude will be remembered for his body more than his acting skills.

Kit Harrington. No comment, he's perfect. And an incredible actor; Jon Snow does know some things, and that's how to please a woman. Hehe. 

Peter Dinklage. I know he isn't stereotypical heart-throb/eye candy like every other guy on this list, but I fell in love with his portrayal of Tyrion Lannister (who is my husband in real life - I wish anyway) and think he has a very handsome mature intelligent look about him. I guess I'm sort of sapiosexual, in that I find intelligence very attractive. 


Cristiano Ronaldo. Probably a dickhead in real life, but at least he's sexy. 

Brad Pitt. Have you seen Mr and Mrs Smith? It's a terrible movie, but Brangelina look sexy as hell in it. I can't remember what happens other than they fight and have sex. Brad Pitt is a good actor though; love him in Fight Club and Babel and of course The curious case of Benjamin Button. 

Orlando Bloom. Woof. 

Johnny Depp. Woof woof, barky bark. He's got that mysterious dark-haired olive-skinned look about him. Cmon, what straight woman doesn't love Johnny Depp? Don't kill me; I haven't seen all of Pirates of the Caribbean though. 

Tom Hardy. Yes. I like This Means War, Mad Max: Fury Road and of course the brilliant Inception. Great actor, great looking. 

Zayn Malik. One Direction may be nothing more than mediocre singers who are eye-candy for young girls, but at least they're eye candy. I always fancied Louis Tomlinson and Zayn Malik as the hottest, particularly Zayn. Beeeautiful.

James Franco. He is also one of my favourite actors: 11/22/63, Spiderman 1 2 &3, This is the End, Pineapple Express, The Interview, and probably popped up in other films I can't re-call. I love how he can go from playing a serious character to someone wacky and jokey. His brother, David, is also beautiful.

Theo James. FOUR! Yeah he's fine bitch. Gotta love Divergent. 

Liam Hemsworth. And The Hunger Games, its counterpart. I think Gale is hotter than Four (and wayy hotter than Peeta). 

Ashton Kutcher. Unfortunately the only film I re-call seeing him in is Valentine's Day, which despite featuring a bunch of great (and hot) actors and actresses, is a whole dollop of disaster. But he's cute anyways.

Michael Ealy. One of my favourite films - and one of the few rom-coms I can tolerate because it's hilarious and has Kevin Hart in it - is Think Like a Man. I love his character and he's so fine in it and yeah, it's fabulous baby. STRIKE A POSE! (God I'm cringey).

Yay, ain't objectifying people fun! (Otherwise known as observing physically attractive qualities in people which is totally normal and healthy). I'm gonna go and wank (why is there no female slang term for wanking? Ok, there's jilling off but no one says that. Ever hear that? I'm gonna go 'jill off'?) for the next forty minutes or so. Bye.

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