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Monday, 11 June 2018

Birthdays


I was born 21 years ago today, at thirty-nine minutes past midnight. I haven't been super keen on birthdays since I was about fourteen - not sure what happened; I loved them as a child, obviously, but as I entered my teens something inside me switched. Could have been depression, or simply not being that bothered. I know birthdays are a big deal to some, but for me it's just another day - and more importantly, a chance for me to reflect on where I am in my life.

I am happy with the way things are. I have so many exciting possibilities and projects coming up. I've been working on an EP for the past few months that will be coming out sometime this Summer - its currently being mixed/mastered. I am also publishing a YA double novella collection on Amazon (as an e-book) via Kindle Direct Publishing next month. I'm currently getting a cover designed and going to get a copy-edit soon as a final polish. (Will post more about that another time - probably once the cover has been finalised).

Image result for books and music

I've been taking driving lessons since January; that is all going nice and smoothly. (Still yet to take my theory test). I'm coming to the end of my university course and working on my dissertation, which is based around the supposed assumption that creatively artistic people are more susceptible or more likely to succumb to drink and drug addiction.

As for my actual birthday, I had a lovely dinner at an Indian buffet with my family yesterday and am going to chill with my best mate later on. Low-key and easy. I'm not into major celebrations. Birthdays used to make me super anxious because I feel like when its your birthday everyone expects you to do something huge, and it creates these high expectations that feel like pressure. I haven't ever really had a bad birthday though - usually I do stuff involving friends and/or family. On my 16th I remember sitting at home watching one of my favourite movies, Slumdog Millionaire, and eating crisps and chocolate. Goals right there.

I'm loving my new job as a part-time steward at Wembley Stadium, which in itself opens up a world of social interaction and the possibility of working at other stadiums/festivals later on (if I want). I would be very happy to do that as a job alongside my artistic passions.

I've been reading A Song of Ice and Fire since November, but like to dip into other books now and again alongside it (that are quick reads). I'm currently reading Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, which came out this year and I like a lot. (A friend of mine has a book blog and wrote a post reviewing this book, check it out here: https://bookywookygoodness.blogspot.com/2017/11/eleanor-oliphant-is-completely-fine.html
Her review doesn't contain any spoilers).

A few weeks ago a guy I was dating broke up with me; I've gotten over it a lot faster than I did with the relationship I was in prior to that one. I think its because I have so many other things going on to keep me occupied, but also because I feel there's no point in moaning and groaning about something that wasn't a big deal. Its not the end of the world; we had a good time, now its over (I won't go into details as its unnecessary). Sometimes you just need to move on and let things go. People come and go in and out of our lives constantly. Some may stick around for several years; some may be there forever, even if its just in the background.

But this break up made me very grateful for the friends and loved ones I do have, and made me realise that there are people in this world who do love me and care for me. Its easy - for me, anyway - to feel at times like no one cares about me and I'm all alone and I'll always be alone. But being alone doesn't equate to being lonely, and I believe every single person in this world has at least one person who cares about them and who will be upset if they commit suicide or randomly disappear. So be thankful for those who care about you, forgive those who have hurt you in the past and move on, and remember that everything that happens in our lives passes and is temporary. No pain or joy lasts forever.

Related posts:

https://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2018/06/its-good-to-give-less-of-shit.html

https://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2018/05/falling-down.html

https://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2017/06/thoughts-on-days.html

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If you enjoy my posts check out my debut YA novel. Out now on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07F44CMNJ