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Sunday, 15 July 2018

Relationships are overrated


When you think about it logically, how can it be possible to spend fifty years with the same person, feeling the same way about them through all those times and being expected not to lust after anyone else? (To me) it sounds ridiculous.

See, people are together for a few years and then they decide hey, let's spend the rest of our lives together. But we change so much throughout our lives. Feelings for one another change. I don't think you can be expected to feel the same way about one person forever. Even family; sure you may always love your parents, but feelings about them are going to shift throughout your life. Just because you love them doesn't mean you're going to want to be around them all the time.

I feel like 'true love' doesn't really exist, in the romantic sense, and it's just been created by poets and glamorized by pop culture. Truth is, chemicals in our brain cause us to lust after someone in order to pro-create, and we mistake it for love. All the times I've thought I've been falling in love with a guy it's really been infatuation; I've been crazy as hell over them, and then I get over them and get crazy for another guy, and so the cycle continues.

But it isn't just me. Everyone I know who has been in a relationship ultimately seems to become unhappy or deals with problem after problem. Girls faking pregnancy, guys clamoring for marriage too soon, people lying about a terminal illness or claiming to care for their partner and then cheating on them. To my knowledge I've never been cheated on, but I honestly would not be surprised if some of my exes had been flirting with other girls behind my back (nor would I be that bothered).

Even my most recent ex to me just proves how much bullshit people can emulate. A person can act like they care for you, say all these nice sweet things, and then vanish from your life because they never really cared in the first place. People are so good at acting like they care about you when they really don't, they just want attention. The sweet smiles and sunny words are really all just an attempt to reel you into their little bubble. But when the going gets tough, people show their true colours and reveal that they're not really in it for the long haul.

I have only one ex who I don't dislike/am not apathetic towards, and that's because he has always been honest and genuine with me. Even the way he broke up with me was selfless, and I respect him for that. I respect people who are honest about their motives. I would much rather someone say 'I don't know if I can commit to you or be with you long-term' then act like they're in it for the long run and then disappear. To me that's pathetic and cowardly.

I don't think there's 'the one'. There are way too many people in this world for you to expect to be with one person forever. It doesn't make sense. You don't have only one friend, so why would you have only one lover?

But what about people who do actually love each other and be together for a long time? I think what they have is love, but it isn't the 'romanticized' or glamorized rom-com/Disney type of love at first sight Romeo-and-Juliet bullshit. I think you can love someone and care for them, but being 'in' love is perhaps a myth, or as we understand it is deeply exaggerated.

Same. Or my laptop. 
True love is me listening to my best friend cry down the phone. True love is my mum sitting in hospital with me at three in the morning because I've over-dosed on antidepressants. True love is my brother coming from London to Guildford to stay the night with me because I'm in tears over a break-up.

I feel much more love and connection between my close friends, my siblings, my parents; those in my life who I know really do care about me, and who I have a deep history with. It's always annoyed me how platonic love isn't celebrated in the way 'romantic' love is, when it can actually be a lot stronger and more genuine. This is one of the things I love about this book I read recently, Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine; it shows the strength and power of friendship.

Of course friends can be full of shit and screw you over as well. But I feel like I've finally reached a place in my life where I'm no longer 'obsessed' with wanting to be in a relationship, or feeling like I need a guy to make me feel good about myself. I know I'm only 21 but I genuinely cannot imagine myself being in a long-term relationship or even another short-term one. I feel like I'm always going to be looking at the person sideways and thinking everything they're saying is completely crap or that they're going to disappear any minute.
Just found this funny XD
But I know deep down that isn't true, and I probably will be in a loving relationship one day in the future, and it will be 'real' as opposed to 'romanticized.' This may all come across as bitter and cynical but actually it's very freeing. It's nice to know I don't need someone else to be happy because I am enough.



Other posts where I whinge about relationships:

https://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2018/05/falling-down.html

https://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2018/02/benefits-of-being-single.html

https://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2018/01/is-romance-dead.html

https://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2017/09/is-marriage-weird-idea.html

https://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2017/07/love.html

https://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2017/11/love-songs-are-lame.html

https://www.thezarinamachablog.co.uk/2017/12/will-i-end-up-alone.html

Ok, we get it Zee. You like complaining. But hey, at least I'm honest about it. I will never lie about what I am. 

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