Parents often want the best for their children, but good intentions don't always lead to a positive outcome. Developmental psychologists have classified parenting styles into four categories: authoritarian (being too strict), permissive/indulgent (being too lenient), authoritative (just right), and neglectful (barely around).
I would imagine/hope that the majority of people are raised with authoritative parenting styles; parents who are firm but fair, want their children to be happy and independent individuals who can manage their lives, but who may clash with their children and contain views that their kids may view as unfair at the time.
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Authoritative parenting = least likely to use illegal drugs. |
I certainly wouldn't class my parents as having been strict or controlling; naturally there are always things a younger person will view as unfair regarding their parents such as not letting them stay out at certain times or engage in certain activities. As a young adult having more perspective on my teen years I would say my parents were normal and reasonable overall in the way in which they were with my brother and I. This shows in the way I am now; had I been raised in a more extreme environment - too lenient or too controlling - I would be a lot less grounded and free-thinking as an individual.
Such is the problem of 'helicopter parenting.' Research has shown that children who were raised with parents who tried to control most aspects of their lives are more likely to have relationship problems, mental health issues and lower self-esteem in adulthood. They are less likely to make informed, well-thought out decisions on what to do with their lives, less likely to trust people, less likely to take responsibility for their lives due to always having been told what to do, and more likely to repress certain emotions and creative expression. (And if you include physical abuse such as constant hitting/spanking, research shows there is little to no benefit in hitting young children and that it teaches them physical violence is a fine way to get what you want, and it instils fear and submission rather than fair and balanced discipline).
Likewise, permissive parenting also has its issues. While parents who are more lenient with their children may be more loving and warm, they also do more damage due to not enforcing boundaries and teaching their children about responsibility or discipline. These types of parents may 'spoil' their children, thinking that giving them everything is the best way for them to show their love. However, these children tend to become entitled, and engage in risky or delinquent behaviour due to not learning about consequences of certain behaviours. Instead of 'spare the rod and spoil the child', it's 'spare the rational discipline and spoil the child.'

Moreover, setting high expectations and demands is linked with poorer self-esteem as no matter how well you achieve something, you will never be satisfied due to thinking that you can always do better. 'I got an A but it wasn't an A*. I got an A* but it was 98% not 100%.' The bar for success ends up being raised higher and higher, so that the person is never going to be content with what they have, and will never think they are good enough because their self-worth is tied to their level of achievement rather than unconditional self-love and acceptance.
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The best way to be! Thanks Mum, hehe. |
Links:
https://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/strict-parenting
https://my.vanderbilt.edu/developmentalpsychologyblog/2013/12/types-of-parenting-styles-and-how-to-identify-yours/
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/overly-controlling-parents-cause-their-children-lifelong-psychological-damage-says-study-10485172.html
http://news.berkeley.edu/2013/06/18/chinese-parenting/
https://www.parentingscience.com/chinese-parenting.html
https://www.vox.com/2014/6/16/5807664/children-use-more-drugs-when-their-parents-are-strict
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/good-thinking/201409/is-what-happens-when-you-hit-your-kids
https://mic.com/articles/186013/americans-have-always-hit-their-kids-now-the-majority-of-research-says-its-time-to-stop#.DnFEaUHUI
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