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Friday, 26 October 2018

What's your type?


It's a fascinating question really; what type of person are you romantically attracted to? I'm no psychologist - just a girl from London who thinks a lot - but I do find the idea of the kind of person we're attracted to interesting. I think it says a lot about the kind of person we are, and what kind of person we see ourselves being intimately involved with.

The notion of 'opposites attracting' has been debated in psychology and its validity has been questioned. I suppose logically it makes far more sense to be attracted to someone who reminds you a lot of yourself, and who you have common interests with. Same goes for friends - we often surround ourselves or gravitate towards people who emulate similar values and character traits to us, or those who compliment our characters. I'm a pretty chatty person, yet I tend to gravitate towards those who are more introverted or reserved than I am (perhaps because it lets me run my mouth).

Regarding romantic attraction, a lot is to be said for family and people being attracted to those who remind them of their parents or close family members. Girls who grow up close to their fathers tend to make better choices regarding men. Likewise, boys who grow up with a good relationship with their mother tend to respect women more.

To the ladies reading, I ask you this: which man do you find more attractive? A man who is powerful, wealthy, charming and suave; has a lot of money and may be emotionally distant but takes you to lavish places. Or a man who is humorous, intelligent, good-natured and sensitive, who doesn't have loads of money but spends time as your companion. So a man with money or a man who makes you laugh?

One of my favourite shows is Sex and the City; it's hilarious and entertaining and I've watched it a few times around. The main character - Carrie - spends six seasons emotionally wrapped up in a man of the first type. (His name is John Preston, but throughout the show he is nicknamed 'Mr Big' due to having a big p- presence and being involved in high class social events). He isn't a bad man, but he annoys me throughout - he's boring and difficult to read, not to mention messes Carrie around a lot. Meanwhile, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte all end up with men of the second type.

I'm not saying either 'type' is right or wrong or that a guy can't have qualities from both. I do think that the kind of things we value in a partner are reflective of how we see ourselves and the world. People who often date nasty or manipulative people usually have low self-worth or don't think they are deserving of someone who treats them well. If you really value yourself as a person you're more likely to seek the company of those who make you feel good, as you won't have time for people that make you feel like crap.

I guess the qualities I find most attractive in a guy - dry humour, intelligence, kindness, ambition - are reflective of the kind of things I like in myself, but also they surpass material things such as money or status. A man can waltz up to me with a flash car and a fancy suit but if he has no personality or doesn't read then I'm likely to be bored to death. I'm more interested in companionship and feeling comfortable and being able to have fun with somebody, rather than playing at being some glamorous Hollywood couple. The latter to me is also based more on how other people would see us, rather than how I feel when I'm around the person.

I think - sadly - a lot of people stay in relationships that aren't good for them or that they aren't happy with because of external opinions, or because they're insecure and don't want to be alone. Some people settle for something less than what makes them feel secure and happy because they don't want to be that one single woman around married friends or their partner has met their whole family and it would feel awkward to dump them.

Really, this all comes down to being in touch with yourself and not giving too much of a shit about what other people think. I'm still struggling with that of course - heck, I'm only twenty-one and don't know a great deal about life or relationships - but I do think that the less you care about what others think, the more true to yourself you will be, thus the more likely you are to attract the type of person that brings out your best attributes.

Some of my fictional man crushes: Tyrion Lannister, Jon Snow, Atticus Finch, Phoebus from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Steve from Sex and the City, Jesse Pinkman. When I was a child I had massive crushes on Danny Phantom and Diego from Ice Age. 

What is your 'type', if you have one? What are qualities you find attractive in a person? Lemme know my dears.

Related articles:

https://www.bustle.com/articles/143849-opposites-actually-dont-attract-study-finds

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201702/why-do-people-have-type

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/heres-why-were-attracted-to-some-people-but-not-others-according-to-a-doctor-9177698

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inside-out/201307/how-dads-shape-daughters-relationships

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If you enjoy my posts check out my novel Every Last Psycho. Available to purchase on Amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07F44CMNJ