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Thursday, 27 June 2019

The Freedom of Adulthood

It's been a whole month since I've posted anything on the blog; longest time I've gone without blogging since starting this thing. As you can imagine, I've been super busy building my literary empire. Articles, contacting bloggers and uploading my book details to Nielsen Title Editor and Goodreads.

Adulthood gets a poor rep. Who wants to do their tax returns, pay bills, go grocery shopping and stay on top of dentist appointments? When we're in our twenties we're meant to be figuring ourselves out; hopping between jobs, falling in-and-out of love, paying off student loans and moaning about how hard it is being a grown-up. Reminiscing on our school days when our only worry was who's homework to copy off.

Well. Everybody is different, but in my experience things have happened in reverse. I found childhood and school much more difficult and stressful and find adulthood more relaxing and easier to manage. Part of it is maturity; as we grow up we learn to manage our lives in a way that we couldn't before. We understand ourselves better and don't get worked up over things that once made us want to punch the wall.

I know I'm lucky; I decided long ago to do what I wanted to do and now it's showing. But am I really 'lucky'? I made a choice. I only had one goal: to be a creative artist; writer and musician. Against all odds; the kids who laughed at my singing and YouTube videos, the adults gently saying no one makes a living out of writing, the system nudging me towards an academic degree. Against all odds I managed to hold on to who I really am.

If my seventeen-year-old self could see me now her eyes would stream with tears. But she's inside of me; she's just grown and matured. We have to endure pain and struggle in order to become who we are. Sleepless nights, sitting drunk in front of my laptop, hopelessly dithering between revising for my A levels and working on my stories.

We spend way too much of our lives doing things we don't want to do, so isn't it time to fill adulthood with stuff we love? Never again will I cling on to people who make me feel bad about myself, who don't love or respect me; who claim to care for me and then disregard me or whisper nasty things behind my back. Never again need I force myself out of bed at seven o'clock in the morning to spend a day doing stuff that doesn't fulfill me. Even if I do find a part-time job to supplement myself, it will be a means to an end; keeping me financially viable while I continue doing what I love.

LOVE my new bikini!
I made a choice. I decided to put my own happiness first over the whims of society. I listen to my body; swimming regularly, meditating, managing my anxiety disorder. Being an adult, in my book, means taking control of your life and not worrying about what others think. It means freedom, wisdom, joy, resilience, pursuit, hope and maturity. Childhood can represent carefree joy, but it also means naivety; being told what to do, lack of agency, frustration, emotional imbalance, immaturity, taking things to extremes, and lack of self-awareness.

I would happily take collating my personal finances over doing Maths homework any day.

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I'm Zarina Macha, an author, blogger, and musician from London. I write about stuff on the internet 'cos having opinions is fun -- if you want to join the games, please note your thoughts below. All thoughts welcome, even if they're mean (just no spam links please -- can't tell you what a liability those are to remove).
I've also published three YA fiction books and two poetry volumes. To check em out, copy and paste this link into your browser: