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Saturday, 29 July 2017

Least favourite Soprano's characters

The Sopranos is an incredible show with incredible actors that play their characters extremely well. However, just because the characters are realistic and relatable doesn’t make them likeable. I remember despising nearly everyone in EastEnders, yet I used to love that show. In The Sopranos there’s no one I really consistently like besides Dr Melfi, Tony’s therapist. Everyone else gets on my nerves or makes me want to punch them in the face at some point. Here are the worst in order in my opinion.

1.    Livia Soprano
Tony’s mother and by far the worst character. I was so happy when she died; part of the reasons why I prefer seasons 4, 5 and 6 is because Livia isn’t in it. She’s a horrible, evil, bitch who tries to have her own son killed. According to Tony’s psychiatrist, Livia suffers from narcissist personality disorder. (I believe Leonard’s horrible mother in The Big Band Theory also has a similar personality.) I can’t stand any of the scenes with Livia in them. No wonder Tony and Janice turn out the way they do with her for a mother.
2.    AJ Soprano
I think AJ is the most hated character in the Sopranos from looking at YouTube and Reddit. From the first time I started watching the show I wanted to punch AJ in the face. He’s a whiny, bratty, spoilt, lazy waste of space. In season 1 he’s a bit of a sweet fat kid, but as the seasons go on he gets worse and worse. He talks to his parents like shit and acts like the world owes him a favour. Sometimes you look at Tony and wonder how on earth AJ could be his son. For what it’s worth, AJ isn’t a bad person, but he’s not a particularly nice person either. He pretty much emulates the spoilt, over-privileged rich kid who brags about having a mobster for a dad. The only time any sort of sympathy for AJ can be felt is when he suffers from his depressive periods and is dumped by his fiancĂ©e, and occasionally he comes out with some open-minded interest in philosophy, history and current affairs. But generally he’s a piece of shit.

3.     Ralph Cifaretto
Wow, Ralph is awful. A horrible scene is when he beats a prostitute to death in season 3. There’s nothing likeable or kind about him, although granted he can be funny. He oozes self-importance and a general lack of consideration for others. Only time he shows any sort of love is when his son is lying in the hospital. After Richie he’s definitely the nastiest gangster.

4.     Richie Aprile
Why on Earth does Janice love the worst guys? First she goes with Richie, then Ralph. It’s a relief when she marries Bobby, finally someone nice. (Poor Bobby though). Richie is extremely horrible in every possible way. Out of all the mobsters he’s by far the worst. There’s nothing more to even say about him. The only good scene involving him is when Janice kills him in the end.

5.     Paulie Gualtieri
Eurgh, Paulie. What a cunt. He’s the most selfish of all; thank god he doesn’t have a wife or kids. Paulie’s the kind of guy who would screw over anybody. He steals from people, beats up anyone who mildly annoys him and essentially shows little empathy for others. At times he’s kind and loyal, but most of the time he’s an arsehole. The worst thing is when he disowns the very woman who raised him for a hundred years after finding out she’s not his real mother, she’s his aunt. That woman fed you, clothed you and raised you and that’s how you treat her? Man, I wouldn’t like to be stuck in a bar with him. Has some funny jokes and one-liners though.

6.     Christopher Moltisanti
Chris really is an arsehole. Even Tony never raises a fist to his wife. Chris is an arrogant hot-head who treats Adriana like shit and isn’t much better with Kelly. You look at poor Ade wondering why she didn’t run away from this douchebag ages ago; perhaps she wouldn’t have ended up killed. He goes to AA and NA, yet continues to relapse, clearly not following the program properly. He claims he wants to get sober then drinks/uses constantly in season 6. Plus he spends most of the show trying to kiss Tony’s arse. I feel a bit sorry for him – clearly his heart lies in film making and writing not in being a gangster, and perhaps he just felt he was never able to escape the thrill of the Mafioso life in order to pursue his artistic loves. But he’s still a selfish cunt.

7.    Phil Leotardo
This guy is so shady. He has a constantly vile expression on his face. No wonder Tony laughs when he hears he has a heart attack. Sure, I’d be pretty pissed too if my surname was Leotardo, but man Phil is a dickhead. And the most homophobic too – how he treats Vito in the end is disgusting.

8.    Janice Soprano
Janice, after Tony, is probably the most complicated. Mostly she’s an irritating bitch. She can be manipulative and callous. I hate how she is to Bobby just after his wife dies, barely allowing the poor man to grieve just so she can get in there. She comes back acting all nice to Tony when really she just wants money. She always tries to act all nice to cover up how cruel she really can be. When something doesn’t go Janice’s way all hell breaks loose. But arguably she’s not evil and does have good intentions at times, and her love for Tony, Bobby and her children is very real.

9.   Vito Spatafore
Vito is one of those really annoying characters that’s just sort of there. I never really like him much at all, and how he hits on Finn is gross. (Not because Finn’s a guy but because he’s half his age). I do feel sorry for him being a closet homosexual, and can’t imagine how terrifying that must feel in the mafia world. The fact that he gets killed in a horrific way by Phil just because he’s gay is atrocious. However, other than that he’s not a great person anyway. He hits on Adriana then claims that she was hitting on him – that was probably to cover up his homosexuality, unless the writers decided he wouldn’t be gay until season 6. He meets a guy and then screws him over to go back to the gangster life where he knows he’ll be killed, dumbarse. I only wish he could’ve left and gone off with his boyfriend.

10.  Corrado ‘Junior’  Soprano
Ah, Uncle Junior. He becomes less awful in later seasons, like Meadow, but in the earlier seasons he’s one hell of a cunt. He joins forces with Livia and attempts to kill his own nephew for seeing a psychiatrist. And Tony still kisses his arse. His dementia does make me laugh though, especially in the end when he thinks Tony is somebody else and shoots him then hides upstairs. Got to be one of the funniest scenes ever.
11.  Meadow Soprano
Although I don’t mind Meadow as she gets older (although I despise her idiot brother more), in seasons 1 and 2 she’s horrendous. I think her parent’s separation in season 4 humbles her a bit. At the beginning she’s as much of a whiny brat as her brother is, and acts like the world owes her a favour as well. Spoilt princess. Sometimes I wish Carmela would slap both her kids in the face. The part I hate the most is when she trashes Livia’s old house that Janice is trying to sell in season 2, and what do Tony and Carmela do? Take away her credit card for two weeks. And still give her a weekly allowance ‘for getting to and from school.’ That little smirk Meadow makes when she walks away really makes you want to strangle her.

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I'm Zarina Macha, an author, blogger, and musician from London. I write about stuff on the internet 'cos having opinions is fun -- if you want to join the games, please note your thoughts below. All thoughts welcome, even if they're mean (just no spam links please -- can't tell you what a liability those are to remove).
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